Why is it so difficult for us to be kind?

I was reading some comments on Cameron Diaz’s instagram post and someone had commented how old she looked. Many women jumped to her defence saying it is natural but why would we expect someone to still look like they did 5, 10, 20 years ago?

And then for those celebs that use fillers, botox, plastic surgery and other procedures to try to prolong the onset of the aging process, there are thousands of criticisms hurled at them for not aging gracefully or letting nature take its course.

Then we have our opinions on if people look better slimmer, larger, more or less toned. And this is all they are - our opinions! By default, this means they can’t be wrong, but where did we develop them? Where is the tipping point between someone aging okay in our opinion and then looking too old, or someone appearing too muscular or too flabby to us?

Turning the outward inward

You can use your opinions about others as a chance for your own personal development and a way to increase your self-awareness. When you find yourself having an opinion on someone else’s appearance or actions or behaviours, before commenting, ask yourself where does your fascination with critiquing everyone else come from? Is it because you are comparing yourself against them and sharing your own insecurities about whether you want to look younger/thinner/fitter or be able to do a certain thing or behave in a particular way? Or do you genuinely believe that it is wrong to age, or to change your appearance to appear as you once did, or to act or behave in that way? Do you want to drive social change so that it is acceptable for everyone to have elective procedures, or for no-one to have access to them? Are you wanting to validate your own choices through the actions and behaviours of others? Is this actually your belief at all or are you echoing the opinion of your parents, partner or peers?

Be kind

If I could encourage one thing, in the infamous words of Caroline Flack, it is for us all to be kind. 

If you are asked for your opinion, of course you can share it. I encourage women to have a voice and to be heard, but ask yourself why you are sharing it. Consider if sharing it will hurt someone else, or will sharing it add value? If you have to give feedback, can you ensure it is given in a factual/objective, respectful way that focuses on things within the other person’s control? If you were on the receiving end of a similar comment, would you be pleased to hear it? Would it make you feel more or less confident about yourself? 

We have a voice and I would love for us to use this power to build each other up, rather than knock each other down, and to celebrate our strengths, differences and uniqueness. So take a breath, check in with yourself and wherever possible share empowering words and kindness with each other.